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Sunday, April 12, 2015

Justin Bieber: Argentinian judge issues arrest warrant for singer



An Argentine judge has issued an arrest warrant for Justin Bieber on Friday, saying the singer failed to respond to summons related to allegations he ordered bodyguards to attack a photographer in 2013.
Judge Alberto Julio Banos ordered the “immediate detention” of Bieber and bodyguards Hugo Alcides Hesny and Terrence Reche Smalls.
An email sent to a Bieber representative was not immediately returned.
Bieber is accused of sending the bodyguards to attack photographer Diego Pesoa outside a Buenos Aires nightclub. Bieber never returned to Argentina to respond to questions about the incident.
Under Argentine law, Bieber would face from one month to six years in prison if convicted on a charge of causing injuries.
It wasn't immediately clear whether the warrant would extend beyond Argentina. Calls to the judge's office Friday afternoon were not answered.
In comments to local station Telefe Noticias, Pesoa's lawyer implied that the warrant would force Bieber to return to the South American country.
“Now we just need to wait for the police to find him and bring him” to Argentina, said lawyer Matias Morla. “For us, this is a triumph against all those who said this case was a bluff and that we didn't have anything.”
Calls and emails to Morla were noAn Argentine judge has issued an arrest warrant for Justin Bieber on Friday, saying the singer failed to respond to summons related to allegations he ordered bodyguards to attack a photographer in 2013.
Judge Alberto Julio Banos ordered the “immediate detention” of Bieber and bodyguards Hugo Alcides Hesny and Terrence Reche Smalls.
Morla and Bieber's representative did not respond to contact from AP.


What does Tidal offer that Spotify or a CD doesn't?


“Compressed music weakens the pressure in the bass, details in cymbals and gives the sound less headroom.” I’m staring at the website for Tidal, the new Jay Z-backed music-streaming service that aims to take on the might of Spotify by offering higher audio quality. While most streaming services use mp3, AAC and other “lossy” audio formats, removing small musical details to create smaller file sizes, Tidal boasts pristine, unblemished sound.
Just like you get from a CD. I take the Tidal test by pressing a button: it prompts me to compare lossless versions of five tracks with their compressed, mp3-style equivalent. As I listen to excerpts of tracks by The Killers, James Blake, Daft Punk, The Eagles and Dixie Chicks, I switch between the swanky hi-fi version and the lo-fi one.
Even on moderately expensive speakers, the difference is barely perceptible. I only manage to identify three out of the five lossless versions. In response, the site prompts me to “sit back, relax, concentrate, turn the volume up and try again.” It’s as if I’ve failed a task of musical appreciation. But I haven’t failed. If anything, it demonstrates that Tidal may be failing to persuade us that paying £19.49 a month for hi-fidelity audio offers us any benefit over the compressed equivalent at Spotify for £9.99 a month.
Jay Z will have noticed YouTube’s phenomenal success as a music platform; it provides fairly convincing proof that consumers, particularly younger ones, don’t care that much about fidelity. As Jay Z and his pals Alicia Keys, Kanye West, Rihanna, Beyoncé, Madonna and Nicki Minaj walked on stage in New York for an awkward Tidal launch, generations of young people will have responded by listening to some YouTube clip on their phone, the music blaring tinnily out of a speaker the size of a grain of rice. And they won’t have paid a cent for the privilege.


Alicia Keys introduces Jay Z's streaming service Tidal to the world (Getty Images)
If higher fidelity doesn’t persuade us to start using Tidal, then maybe some exclusive material will? Beyoncé’s song “Die with You” was one of Tidal’s first exclusives, and the song has already been leaked on YouTube. There is no magic solution.


The purchase of Tidal stems from a belief that Spotify et al are treating artists unfairly, particularly with the kind of free, ad-supported streaming model that 45 million Spotify customers currently enjoy.
“It’s my opinion that music should not be free,” wrote Taylor Swift in a piece for the Wall Street Journal last year, shortly after removing her music from Spotify. “My prediction,” she continued, “is that individual artists and their labels will someday decide what an album’s price point is.” Many disagree. A musician’s belief in the artistic value of their work cannot, in this crazy digital age, be directly correlated to its monetary value, however hard they wish that it could.
Fortunately, young people still love music, and they prefer to stream it – although they’re obviously not swimming in cash. This tech-savvy younger generation has helped to increase streaming revenues in the US beyond that of CD revenues. The rise of Spotify and Deezer (another on-demand music service), the launch of Google Play Music and Apple’s acquisition of the streaming service Beats Music all demonstrate one fact: the only way to keep us consuming music legally is to offer it on-demand at a low price.


deadmau5, Kanye West and Jay Z at the launch of Tidal (Getty Images)
Three months ago, prior to Jay Z’s purchase, Tidal was a struggling service with a mere 12,000 users in around half a dozen territories including the UK and the USA. The music streaming industry has, for some time, tried to persuade us that we might pay more for a product that supposedly sounds better; Spotify has a “high quality” option available for those who abandon the free service in favour of the £9.99 Premium one; Qobuz, a smaller French streaming service, doubles its charge from £9.99 to £19.99 a month for a lossless (CD quality) audio experience, while Deezer offers an “Elite” (lossless) option to those who commit to its £9.99 monthly charge for a full year. “You can now listen to performances as the artist intended,” boasts Deezer. But there’s little evidence these arguments cut much ice with the average punter.


The truth is that Tidal is a decent product. The Chrome-based browser version and its iOS and Android equivalent are slick, the music sounds great and visually it bears a striking resemblance to Spotify. Making the switch from one to the other certainly wouldn’t represent much of a trauma.
But why make it? “Our intent,” said Alicia Keys at Tidal’s launch, “is to preserve music’s importance in our lives.” This intent is misconceived; young people tell us that music is as important to them as it ever was, and this will remain the case, regardless of audio fidelity. The real intent of Tidal, surely, is business-driven; the artists believe that they should grab a greater slice of a pie that’s dwindling in size. That’s a fair argument, although one perhaps not best presented by Madonna.
Tidal could make streaming work harder for musicians, integrating merchandise and ticket sales, linking with funding platforms such as Kickstarter, using the muscle of bigger artists to help smaller ones. At the moment, it’s a service offering minuscule benefit to consumers, while its benefits for its artists are simply unknown.


Martin Sheen busted staring at Mischa Barton’s nipple slip


MARTIN Sheen you sly dog you.
The 74-year-old actor was busted staring at Mischa Barton’s cleavage at a special screening of Bhopal: A Prayer For Rain in Hollywood.
But the photo’s not just embarrassing for Sheen.
It appears that 29-year-old Barton was having a bit of a wardrobe malfunction with her open blouse exposing one of her nipples.


Being snapped braless would be the least of Barton’s worries right now.

The O.C star is currently involved in a bitter lawsuit against her mother, claiming shestole money earned during her acting career.
Barton’s suit also claims her mother, Nuala Barton, has kicked her out of a multimillion-dollar Beverly Hills mansion bought with money earned from her early career.
In the suit, she describes her mum as “a greedy stage mother posing as a talent manager”. She claims her parents “sit back expecting their daughter’s hard work and dedication to her craft to support their lifestyle.”


Brazilian supermodel Gisele Bündchen reveals why she’s quitting the catwalk


GISELE Bundchen’s decision to retire from the runway sent shock waves through the fashion world.
Now the Brazilian supermodel has revealed why she’s stepping away.
“Automatically my body tells me if what I do is worth it, and it asked to stop,” the 34-year-old told the Folha de Sao Paulo newspaper.
“I respect my body, it’s a privilege to be able to stop.”


Bundchen will make her final sashay down the catwalk during Sao Paulo Fashion Week.

But she emphasised that she will continue off-the-runway work and spend more time with her family.
The blonde beauty, who has already reduced her number of appearances, is married to New England Patriots star Tom Brady, with whom she has two young children, Benjamin and Vivian.


“I don’t see how to continue (modelling on the catwalk) ... and stopping will leave room for other projects I have for myself,” Bundchen said, without specifying other upcoming plans.

Bundchen — who Forbes says has been the world’s highest-earning model for the past eight years, with $US47 million ($61 million) in earnings last year — is expected to turn her focus to print ad campaigns.


She has worked with the likes of Chanel, Valentino, Versace, Louis Vuitton, Alexander Wang, Balenciaga and Carolina Herrera over a 20-year career.

She has also many times been a Victoria’s Secret “Angel.”


Rapper Nelly arrested on drug charges


RAPPER and reality TV star Nelly is facing felony drug charges after being arrested in Tennessee.
Tennessee Highway Patrol said in a news release that Nelly, whose real name is Cornell Haynes, was pulled over about 9:20am because the bus he was riding in failed to display a U.S. Department of Transportation and International Fuel Tax Association sticker.
According to the release troopers smelled marijuana when they reached the bus.
When troopers searched the bus, they found five rocks that tested positive for meth, as well as a small amount of marijuana and drug paraphernalia.
Troopers also say they found numerous handguns.
The St. Louis native is facing charges of felony possession of drugs, simple possession of marijuana and possession of drug paraphernalia.
Nelly, 40, was taken to the Putnam County Jail.



Incredible floating cities that could save us all



OUR planet is becoming more unbearably crowded by the day. So where do you go to escape it all?
From overpopulation to flooding or disaster, floating cities are touted as the ultimate solution to mankind’s troubles. And get ready, they’re coming sooner than you may think.
According to sustainability company The Seasteading Institute, autonomous ocean settlements could become a reality within the next five years. So as part of their plan to build the world’s first city at sea, the company has launched a contest to find the best design called the Floating City Project.
They will pick a winner in August.
In the meantime, here are some cool floating city designs that are already out there, as compiled by Inhabitat. So will this be where many of us will live soon?
The Lilypad



Designed to house those seeking to escape rising sea levels, the Lilypad was created byVincent Callebaut Architectures. The waterlily-shaped, self-sufficient floating city could either be stationed near a coastline, or travel around the ocean.

It would use technologies such as solar, wind and biomass to produce its own energy and process CO2 in the atmosphere, that would then be absorbed into its titanium dioxide skin.
Approximately 50,000 people could fit into one Lilypad.


Floating city
With more than 1 billion people, China is the world’s most populous country and holds 20 per cent of the entire planet’s population. So it’s little wonder that there’s serious concern about where the next generations will be able to fit.


So Chinese construction company CCCC commissioned AT Design Office to come up with a solution. The result is a plan for a self-sufficient artificial island that would be energy efficient and include vertical farms and areas for catching fish.

Silt Lake City
Nope, it’s not meant to be “Salt Lake City”. Instead, this “hydropolis” would focus on solving flooding issues in the Nile Valley in Africa. That’s because the new cities could ride the tides when needed.


Noah’s Ark

Created for a post-apocalyptic world, the new-age Noah’s Ark would be powered on renewable energy. The work of Serbian designers Aleksandar Joksimovic and Jelena Nikolic, it could either be one large mainland, or be broken off into a series of smaller islands.
A wall stretching up to 64 metres would provide protection for its inhabitants from strong winds. And fittingly, there’s room for animals too.


Harvest City

Though its yet to become anything more than an idea, this was meant to help the recovery of Haiti following the 2010 earthquake. Designed by Tangram 3DS and architect E. Kevin Schopfer, it would fit up to 30,000 people and would feature a canal system and crop circles.

There would be schools and offices too, of course.

The Green Float
The Green Float could hold a whopping 1 million people. The series of connected islands would include a 1000 metre-tall eco-skyscraper on each one.


















The world’s 10 scariest roads





 IF YOU just can’t feel satisfied without navigating hairpin turns, dizzying elevations, and gravel surfaces with no guardrails to protect you, we’ve got you covered with this bucket list of freaky routes.
Some of these are highly travelled destination roads, some get very little traffic, and others are obscure to most drivers. But if you can patiently and carefully handle them in the proper vehicle, you’ll be rewarded with some tasty visual treats, plus access to unique mountain-climbing and cycling adventures.
We’d tell you to buckle up, but we’re not sure how much even doing that will help you here (of course, do it though!):
Road of Death (North Yungas), Bolivia


There’s nothing ironic about the name of this 61 kilometre journey that goes from over 4570 metres in La Paz to 1188m in Coroico — it is the black widow of roads. Its claim to fame is being named the world’s most dangerous road by the Inter-American Development Bank, and it’s estimated that 200 to 300 people travelling on it die each year.

It’s not hard to see why the road is so dangerous: It’s barely the width of one vehicle, with no guardrail to protect you from falls of up to 609m. Rain can make the road muddy and slippery, and rain or fog can reduce a driver to feeling blindfolded.
Still, there’s a siren song here that attracts thousands of people, from danger-loving tourists to hardcore cyclists. The view of the Amazonian rainforest is astounding, and standing right over the sheer drops here will bring out the lemming in many of us. Tour groups that serve the road include Barracuda Biking and Gravity Bolivia.
Lippincott Mine Road, Death Valley National Park, California
This little-used 11km route in and out of the park near the famous Racetrack Playa really puts the “Death” in Death Valley. It’s a faster route to the park than others, but you might be clenching your jaw the whole way, trying not to fall hundreds of feet to oblivion, and it’s not for the casual driver or the casual car. This is four-wheel-drive territory only.
My friend Doug did the honour of driving us out of Death Valley via Lippincott at the end of our camping trip last fall, and by the time we had slowly descended the almost 600m drop, I felt like the park had chewed us up and spat us out into Saline Valley.
What could kill you here? Let us count the ways. There are no guardrails, and there is the constant threat of a steep fall if you’re not careful — at times, there’s just a foot or two of gravelly space to navigate. You’ll be driving around or over some large rocks that could break your vehicle, and if that doesn’t do it, the park’s intense heat could if you’re making the climb into Death Valley during the hotter months. There’s no towing service, no water source, no road signs and no cell reception. Other than that, this drive is like Christmas.
Still, competent drivers in the right vehicle can make this trip safely. Make sure you stop along the way to capture some gorgeous views of the valley below. Also, if you enter the park this way, you’re just three miles from the Racetrack and its otherworldly beauty. Just play some Metallica at full blast, as we did in this video clip, to give you the adrenaline rush you need to survive.
Dalton Highway, Alaska


While the Road to Hana is seductively warm and dangerous, this frosty, gravelly, pothole-laden route is as seductive as a White Walker in Game of Thrones. The Dalton Highway was opened for one thing: transporting oil. And it covers 666km of desolate, icy terrain.

This is the route of Ice Road Truckers fame, and you’ll have to excuse the truckers for thinking you’re crazy if you want to drive this highway for fun. Let’s put aside the freezing cold and often miserable road conditions, with 18-wheelers pounding your vehicle with ice. On a single 386km stretch, there are no service stations, restaurants or basic services — the longest such stretch in North America. There are three — count ’em, three — service stations the entire way. And don’t count on cell service at all.
Still, there are enticements to taking your chances here. You can say you’ve crossed into the Arctic Circle, which the highway does. And if you visit at the right time, you can slowly pull over and watch the northern lights.
A guide is highly recommended here unless you know your survival skills, as you’ll need to pack provisions, including fuel. And be on the lookout for freeway closures, such as the one that happened just after flooding from the Sagavanirktok River.
Trollstigen Mountain Road, Norway

As dangerous roads go, this is among the most visited in the world, and for good reason: It overlooks a UNESCO World Heritage Site, the Geirangerfjord on the west coast of Norway. I’d like to say that I gave death a noogie as I raced this road’s 11 hairpin turns and 9 per cent incline in an Alfa Romeo, but in fact, I slowly weaved through it on a large tour bus. Next time, I swear.

Dangerous conditions here include the incline, narrow driving space, and the poor traction and visibility that come with rain and fog. But oh man, those views: There are ideal photography opportunities where you can pull over and capture the fjords and lush valleys below, and waterfalls so close you can touch them.
Note: The road closes in October and opens in May.
Road to Hana, Maui, Hawaii

Paradise is worth the risk, which is why the 67km of Highway 360 to Hana in eastern Maui are such a tourist favourite. You’ll have to navigate through and around 600 hairpin turns, 54 one-lane bridges, steep cliff drops, falling rocks, and even some confusing mile markers that reset. Plus it rains often, so there’s that.
But the rewards for your risk are considerable: You probably won’t have time for them all, in fact. The road itself is full of pull-over-right-now photography opportunities, but venture deeper and you’ll find such rare beauties as Wai’anapanapa State Park’s black sand beach, Twin Falls, Wailua Falls, and the laid-back charm of Paia Town.
Drive slow and you’ll be fine here — you’d better, in fact, because police strictly enforce the 25-mph speed limit.
Fairy Meadows Road, Pakistan
Is climbing the world’s ninth-highest mountain not challenging enough for you? Fine. Just try driving to the base of it. If you want to climb Nanga Parbat, you’ll have to ascend six death-defying miles to Fairy Meadows. The gravel road is completely unmaintained, there are no guardrails to protect you, and it gets so narrow that near the end you’ll have to cover the last section by walking or biking.
The road is prone to avalanches and heavy snowfall, and it closes in the winter.
Skippers Canyon Road, Queenstown, New Zealand
Welcome to a road so dangerous, your rental car insurance won’t be honoured if you drive on it. Only one other road in New Zealand has that honour.
Yet you will be tempted to drive this one-lane, twisting terror with steep drops because it abounds with natural beauty and photo ops, including the Shotover River directly below you. Skippers Canyon Road is cut into the side of a mountain and extends 26km in New Zealand’s South Island, 40km from Queenstown. It’s considered one of the country’s most scenic routes. The miners who built the road in the late 1800s didn’t think much about luxury, though — it’s unpaved and very narrow. Should you encounter a car driving the other way, one of you will have to back up gingerly until you can find enough room to pass. Good luck figuring out which of you that will be.
For an adventure trip, you can hire a tour bus to do the driving for you, such as a jet boating tour with Skippers Canyon Jet.


Los Caracoles Pass, Chile

If you impressed yourself by driving down the curves of Lombard Street in San Francisco, this is just like that, only 1000 times more challenging. Called the “Snails Pass” by locals, this serpentine mountain pass in the Andes connects Santiago, Chile, to Mendoza, Argentina. It reaches 3200m in elevation, and this being the Andes, it’s known for getting heavy snowfall: About 15,000 travellers were stranded for 10 hours on the Argentine side in 2013, when the road had to be closed because of snow and cold.
When you reach the summit of this road, you’ll pass through the Cristo Redentor tunnel, and the heaviest, steepest switchbacks are on the Chilean side. You may need tire chains and plenty of patience to make it through here, but if you take your time, you should be able to avoid an accident.
Karakorum “Friendship” Highway, China and Pakistan


For some real altitude, take your chances with this 1287km drive. At 4693m, it’s the highest paved international road in the world. And you can get a sense of how dangerous it is just by knowing that about 1000 workers died building this freeway before it opened in 1979.

The road’s nickname stems from the collaboration between China and Pakistan in building it, but it can be unfriendly in practice, with little driving room, sheer drops, no pavement on the Pakistani side and flash floods.
However, Karakorum is an adventure lover’s delight. Comprising part of the old Silk Road trade route, it offers views of soaring mountain peaks such as the K2 (second-highest mountain in the world), massive glaciers such as the Baltoro, and sprawling rivers such as the Indus.
\Bayburt Of Yolu-D915, Turkey
This road is arguably more dangerous than any other on this list. The D915 connects the Turkish cities of Bayburt and Of, near the Black Sea, and it spans 106km. It has many of the same hazards of the Death Road in Bolivia: It’s only a lane wide in some sections and unpaved, with elevation exceeding 1980m and no guardrails protecting you from certain death. The often-poor weather adds to the danger.
Says the website Dangerousroads.org, “Words can’t describe the road and pictures don’t do it justice … the steep part is simply terrible. Curvy roads descending down the cliffs, often so narrow that you cannot turn the first time.”
There are 29 hairpins turns, and things get gnarly in Çaykara, where the road climbs from 521m to 619, in just 5km, with 13 hairpin turns.




Everything you need to know about marrying a flight attendant


DEAR Sarah: I am getting married to a flight attendant this summer. I’m just an average looking guy, and I hear so many rumours about flight attendants … that it gives me trust issues.
A couple days ago I received some questions from a nervous groom that began like this. I assure you, Mr. A, your concerns are very common.
If you want to get a generally more realistic view as to what a flight attendant’s life is like, there are quite a few crew writers out there, along with myself, who work hard to correct exactly the misconceptions you are hearing.
Still, I totally get it. The sad fact is crew relationships fall apart all the time because of the job. It requires oodles of trust and a partner who is really okay with being at home on their own for, sometimes, good stretches of time.
Here are three things you should know:
1. People think flight attendants are in the air surrounded by rich hot guys asking for our numbers all the time.
You mention your “average looks,” but (aside from the fact that looks aren’t everything!) you’re glamorising the flying public big time. On a flight of 300 people, hypothetical dating/fling possibilities are actually quite slim. It’s not a crowd of supermodels, it’s regular people: women, grandparents, children, couples and people who don’t speak my language.
Of the males, there are those that are married/involved, ones I’m not attracted to, ones that are buried in work, ones that are jerks, ones who are boring, ones who are travelling with company that makes in inappropriate for us to flirt, ones that are only connecting through the destination, ones that are too shy and ones who are just not interested. It’s just not a nightclub up there!
If we do meet a passenger, colleague or someone on a layover, scheduling is still another obstacle. Over nine years of being single in the job, I only had four first dates (through work) that went well enough for a second, and two of those I still never managed to meet again.


2. The job is just a magnifier, not the culprit.

Does my work-dating experience above represent the “norm”? I don’t know — It all depends the person. That was part of the point; if your fiancee is trying harder than a singleton was, then her job is definitely not the problem.
It still takes effort to meet someone as a flight attendant. Quite a lot, actually. If your partner can meet someone up there, then they can meet someone walking down the street. When you break it down, either you trust your partner or you don’t. If you’re struggling in this area, look to the relationship and/or yourself and try to address it there. If you convince your partner to leave the job they love, they may resent you. And guess what? You’ll still feel insecure.
3. In most of the flight attendant relationships I’ve known to end due to cheating, it was the person at home who was untrue.
Most of the time, the end came when a flight attendant’s trip cancelled and they ended up back at home with no notice only to make a sad discovery. Remember, you’re being left alone with little accountability, too. The trust required for your relationship to work isn’t all flowing in one direction. Hopefully it will help for you to understand that your partner is just as vulnerable as you.
Crew relationships are not for everybody. You can’t need your wife to cook you dinner every night! That ain’t happenin’ (at least not for some years yet as she sloooowly earns more control of her schedule). They also require enormous amounts of trust. I won’t sugar-coat that. My husband has no idea where I am half the time and vice-versa, but thankfully that’s something we can laugh about.
Perhaps Mr. A and his fiancee can make a plan to keep in touch more regularly while she’s on the road in order to allay his fears. Whatever the solution, I wish you all the best in your marriage and hope that one day you two can be secure enough to laugh about your time apart.


Angela Mollard: 35 annoying things that benefit no-one, ever



I’M NOT sure whether it’s Facebook or age or because I surround myself with deeply annoying and highly unoriginal people, but I’m over platitudes.
No, “good things do not come to those who wait” but those who have the wherewithal to get off their backsides and try.
Likewise “that’s just my personal opinion” — indeed it might be but the passive-aggressive manner in which it was delivered, not to mention your grievous tautology (opinions by nature are personal) are like fingernails down the blackboard of my soul.
Yes, “tomorrow is another day” — congratulations Einstein on cracking the Gregorian calendar — but how do you know if “it wasn’t meant to be?”
Who are you? God? Buddha?
Worse, though, than “thinking outside the box” and “time healing all wounds” is that most platitudinal of platitudes: Don’t sweat the small stuff.
Are you kidding? Have you seen the devastation wreaked by a mosquito trapped in a tent on a sultry night?



Long ago I worked out that if you work yourself into a state of apoplexy about the “small stuff” you’ll sail calm and sanguine through the big problems. Here, then, a list of irritants and annoyances to ruin your day:

• Figuring out which sheet fits on which bed — particularly frustrating when you have a queen, double, king single and single in one house.
• Bumping into someone you know in the supermarket then that awkward moment when you see them again in every aisle.
• Herbal teas with delicious names that nevertheless all taste like an armpit after two hours of Bikram yoga.
• Hair ties — where do they go? I must have gone through more than 1000 in my lifetime but am currently wearing some ghastly fuchsia tie belonging to my daughter. Are they all having a secret party somewhere and mocking us?
• The ding emitted by household appliances. Honestly you’re an appliance — do you really need attention for every task you complete?
• Paper cuts. Such pain from something so benign.
• The way lettuce goes slimy when it’s toasted in a sandwich or panini. Use spinach or have the foresight to remove it preheat.


• The vanishing properties of sunglasses. Are they partying with the hair ties?

• The state of staffroom mugs. Is it really so hard to rinse out Tuesday’s tea?
• Polyester sold at silk prices. Duh, we read the labels.
• The five hour “call” window insisted upon by Telcos, electricity suppliers and delivery companies even though they always arrive 15 minutes after the window, just as you’re jack of waiting and have gone to work.
• The euphemisms used by real estate agents. It’s not “cosy”, it’s dark, small and smells worse than a week-dead cat on a 40 degree day.
• The false economy of Shellac nail polish. Yes it lasts but it takes half a day to get it off.
• Bucket lists. Why would you start living only when you find out you’re dying?
• Putting on a doona cover. Anything else you practice you get better at.
• Chefs who take mundane ingredients — abalone, semolina, polenta — and serve it as some new wonder food for a ridiculous price.


• Friends’ overseas weddings/birthdays/honeymoons/all other “festivals of me” that leave you too skint to enjoy your own celebrations.

• Grandparents who tell you to treasure every moment with your kids even though they were disengaged and miserable parents themselves.
• Hanging your washing out only for it to rain.
• Forgetting you’ve just sent yourself an email, getting all excited by the ping, then realising it’s only the one you sent yourself.
• Bagging a cheap flight then discovering the cost is doubled by airport fees.
• Coffee loyalty cards where you have to buy 1500 coffees before you get one free.
• Smooth peanut butter. Why?
• Having a flu jab then getting the flu anyway.
• Unpacking — such a joyless way to end an otherwise blissful holiday.
• People who overuse the word “bliss” or “bless” — as in “Oh, bless”.
• Standing at a crossing and having some moron push the button to cross the road as if they’ve got a special power to make it happen faster. Ditto elevators.
• People who stand on the right on escalators.


• Sardines, four bean mix and every other tinned good that you buy as a store cupboard “essential” then throw out three years later because it really wasn’t essential.

• Heinously ugly passport photos. Why is the one picture that lingers longer than any other always so bad?
• Handbags — symbol of the ongoing emancipation of women. Not only do we carry our stuff but we’re seen as a convenient repository for everyone else’s.
• The lie that is “new season military”. Military is as perpetually fashionable as it is reliably unattractive.
• The failure of all public venues to recognise that women need more bathroom facilities than men.
• Perforations that fail to tear along the perforated line.
• People who are humourless, indignant and morally superior and start muttering about First World Problems upon reading a lighthearted list of annoyances and irritants.