1. Get a life.
The most important thing is to be Ms.
Right yourself. Finding the right man is not going to change you into a better
person than you already are. If you are lazy and self-centered, finding a
generous hard working fellow is not going to transform you. If you are boring
and a one-dimensional person, finding an intellectually challenging man is not
going to change who you are. Learn how to be interesting, kind, caring, and
unselfish. Model yourself after women you admire. Work hard at changing your
character defects. (If you are not sure what they are, ask your mother!) Become
more well rounded. Complete your education. Get a hobby. Volunteer and expose
yourself to people who are less-fortunate than you are. Travel abroad and see
how fortunate we are in the USA. Learn some humility by volunteering to serve
others. Take a listening class. Get some counseling if you need to learn to be
assertive or how to share your feelings. If you have some childhood traumas
deal with them now, with someone who can give you professional help. Learn to
be happy with yourself, first. No man, no matter how right is going to make you
happy. You will only be happy in your new relationship if you are happy inside
first.
2. Evaluate your physical attractiveness.
Not
everyone is Ms. America. Nobody looks like the models in magazines. We each
have something going for us though. Find out what your best feature is and
accentuate it. Wear clothes that flatter your figure. Do not try to be a size 6
if you are really a size 12. Accept yourself for who you are, but don’t use
that as an excuse to let yourself go either. Some men like a woman with a
little meat on her bones, but no one wants a slob. Big can be beautiful if you
manage things correctly. If you are overweight, consult your doctor and find
out what is healthy for a woman your size. Rather than living up to some
super-model or stereotype of femininity you should aim to be all you can. Men
want to be proud of their wife’s appearance, not embarrassed. Work with what
you have: get a makeover; ask a personal shopper at the department store to
help you revamp your look. You don’t need to spend a fortune, simply plan
wisely with a few sharp pieces. Small changes can make a world of difference in
your looks as well as your outlook.
3. Know what you are looking for in a man.
Here are
some qualities to look for in a healthy relationship: common values and similar
culture, ability to forgive and be forgiven, ability to be challenged and
confronted without defensiveness, desire to raise children, common goals. Ask
yourself, Why do I want this relationship? To lose myself? To find myself?· To
make up for what I lost in childhood? To keep me so excited I can’t be
depressed? To boost my sagging self-esteem? To be a temporary fix until I
decide I want something better? For security or someone to take care of me? To
be in control? To show off to my friends that I can get a man? To get my
parents off my back? To run away from my responsibilities? To find someone to
support my children?
Ask yourself where you want to be in twenty-five
years. What type of person do you want to become? How will your choices now
influence that outcome? Try to think beyond your nose for a few minutes. Look
down the road. Be honest. What does your heart desire? Just a paycheck,
children, a companion? What you choose today will have an impact on what you
get later. Choose wisely. What looks good now may cause heartache later. What
you do now does matter.
4. Rise above past mistakes.
You are not doomed to
an endless series of losers. You are half-way to Mr. RIGHT by seeing what you
have done wrong in the past. You cannot correct something you did not realize
was stupid. Congratulations! You are starting to develop humility, which is a
good trait. Just don’t let it turn into self-pity and low self-esteem. We all
fail and make mistakes. We all have things we remember with regret. Unlike us,
God is very forgiving when we repent, turn around and are willing to let Him
change us. We are forgiven in Jesus. He died for us while we were still
sinners, not after we got our acts together. No one is beyond the pale. God
loves all of us, even when we do not love ourselves. Forgive yourself. Let God
forgive you in Christ Jesus. Open your heart to grace and freedom from shame.
You are loved. You can be forgiven. Our heavenly father opens his arms wide to
welcome us back when we make mistakes. We can change and grow and become new
creations. We do not have to be doomed to failure over and over. Talk to your
pastor, or call for Christian counseling at 1-800 NEW LIFE. There are many
resources available to help you turn your life around. Do not give up.
5. Talk to your family and friends about the kind of
man you want.
Who better knows you and the things you need? Ask them for tips
on the type of guy they think you need, and don’t be insulted when they tell
you the truth. They probably know you better than you know yourself. Their
feedback could be invaluable.
6. Be open to matchmaker services and the Internet.
Is it safe to look there for someone? It depends. Personal ads have been around
for years, and the Internet Web pages are just an extension of them. It used to
be that only the "desperate and dateless" used personal ads, but now
it is commonplace for almost anyone to take advantage of Web pages for
matchmaking. You will find categories and types of listings you never thought
existed. It seems that everyone is online now, and access can be overwhelming.
Some couples have been successful in establishing satisfying relationships with
the Web. Others have run into problems all the way from being deceived, to
being murdered. Millions of people are online every day and you must be aware
that like anywhere else, you will meet all types. Using common sense, and
seeking reputable services with good references are the basics when going
online. Certainly, never agree to meet someone without proper precautions such
as meeting in a public place, and having a friend with you or nearby or who
knows where you are going and with whom.
7. Consider blind dates.
Why not? Just use the same
common sense you would use in dating anyone for the first time. Or ask your
friends to invite you and the person they want you to meet to their home for
dinner or to a party first. Get to know each other in a group setting, and let
nature take its course. Go to public places. Go to coffee after church. Make it
light. A blind date is just a beginning. It does not have to be dinner and
roses.
8. Look in places where you would expect to find
someone with the qualities you value.
If you want someone who cares, look at
the local soup kitchen and see who is volunteering on Saturday afternoons. If
you want someone who is good with kids, look for a coach or a teacher or a
mentor. If you want a generous guy, ask yourself: Who in your crowd has a
generous spirit? Who shares his Pepsi with you without your asking? Who gives
you the seat on the bus? Who goes out of his way for his grandmother or aunt?
Who sacrifices his day off to work for Habitat for Humanity? Who works Sundays
at the homeless shelter? Who volunteers at the Children’s Hospital as a clown?
Who shares freely about himself and his needs, ideas, hopes and dreams? Who
doesn’t care if his generosity is noticed or even appreciated? This is the type
of man to look for.
If you want a man of faith you will be more apt to
find him in church than in a bar.
If you want a man with purpose and direction in life
realize he is not the type of fellow who answers "I dunno" when you
ask what he wants to major in. He is not the guy on the street corner who says
"Hey, I just wanna party. I don’t care about school." This guy has
his head on straight and knows where he is going and how to get there. He may
be poor, or come from a broken home, but he is determined to rise above
difficult circumstances. He wants to go somewhere in life. He believes he has a
future beyond age 20 and doesn’t want to jeopardize his future. He has a dream
beyond living at home with his parents or next week’s big party. He wants
something more than being "baaad" right now. If your fellow’s highest
aspiration is getting high on ice, you better look elsewhere.
If he is the guy at the office who lets everyone
else do the work, and he takes the credit, watch out. Is he learning more and
more in his trade? Becoming more highly skilled? Teaching others? Where is he
going?
If you are looking for a man with a sense of humor,
keep in mind that just because a guy has purpose and diligence in his character
doesn’t mean he cannot laugh and have fun. The ability to laugh at oneself and
with others (not AT others) is crucial for a good mental outlook. If a person
always takes himself too seriously, he will be difficult to live with. Someone
who can laugh or chuckle at the antics of a child, who can play with a dog,
giggle when ice cream falls in his lap is a guy worth giving a second look. He
is obviously not one-dimensional, that is, he is not all work and no play. He
can relax and participate with others in activities that delight and refresh
the soul. He appreciates beauty and quiet, as well as screaming on the roller
coaster at the theme park. He can take a joke as well as tell one. His humor is
never at someone else’s expense, but he can be clever and witty. Is your Mr.
Right someone who seems to be able to have fun without drugs or alcohol to
loosen him up? Can he relax socially and can talk to almost anyone? Although he
has a gentle manner and is he able to be silly when it is appropriate?
If you are hanging with a bunch of complainers who
only know how to gripe, maybe it is time to find some new friends.
9. Expect a human being, not someone perfect.
No one
is going to be everything you have ever dreamed of. Give the guy a break. You
already know that you are not Ms. Perfect. He will make mistakes too. Relax a
little and don’t be too picky. Allow for human frailty. Look beyond physical
attractiveness. You don’t want a slob any more than he does, but he doesn’t
have to be Mr. Hunk either.
10. Be patient.
Rome was not built in a day. It may
take some time to discover what appeals to you and why. You may make a few
friends, and even break a heart or two. You may get hurt. Keep at it. There are
good men out there. You simply need to know where to look.
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